I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
