please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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