my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize