and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
