I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
