12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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