he shaved USA in his pubs
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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