So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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