I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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