mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
