Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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