I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
