And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
