By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
