Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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