when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Text me some of your sweat
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
