I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I am naked and annoyed.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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