thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
