only you would photoshop your dick
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
