I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
