I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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