You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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