I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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