i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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