Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
