Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize