just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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