Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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