wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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