I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
