I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
