Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
