I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Mom said you looked used
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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