Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
