Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
