Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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