She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
