Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
