dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
