i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
