I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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