We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Edward fifth and chaser hands
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
