we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
