Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
