i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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