paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
