I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
