my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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