Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
