Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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