I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Randomize
