You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
