she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
