So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
