totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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