Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
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