That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
