things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
