He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
