I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
