i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I touched a dick in church today
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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