It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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