Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
