wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
