Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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