I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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