This is not my ceiling
the condom got lost in my hair
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
