just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
