just come out here and I will go home with you...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize