There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
