I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize