Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
