here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
