My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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